Yheoj (yheoj) wrote,

[personal] I'm Happy For You, Sungmin

Okay, what do I say here? It's been months since I last write something here and the fics that i've been working left unposted because well, I got very busy with work, life, priorities and everything.

Sungmin must have been busy with his newfound "love" and can't wait to hold it dearly in his hands, too, right? I KNOW EVERYONE most specially all the KyuMin shippers in this fandom were and still shocked by the sudden revelation of our aegyo king, right? I was stunned left speechless too when I read the title of the news allkpop posted in FB saying Sungmin is getting married.

At that time, I know the news hasn't sink in yet. Marriage. DIDN'T they just announced that they are DATING? How come Sungmin is now talking about marriage when we, his fans, haven't accepted the fact that he is dating yet? IT'S LIKE ADDING SALT TO AN OPEN WOUND. OR SUNGMIN MUST have thought to deliver the blow one time so pain will come once to those who will surely get hurt.

Or maybe...just maybe SUNGMIN just loves her very much that he can't wait to see her walk in the aisle this December and be part of his life. OH GOD, do you guys know that they have two months or less before the wedding? Just thinking about it, how are we going to survive when that time comes, makes me cry harder. Yeah, just so you know, tears are currently flowing down my eyes and it's making my eyes blurry and I can't stop wiping nose (oh damn,just trying to be funny cos I can't believe I am fucking seriously writing this now)

So yeah, I actually want to shout just so I can release this pain. I AM IMAGINING MYSELF in front of the sea, shouting to the waves how much I hate this feeling cos I don't think I deserve to be hurt like this. I KNOW YOU GUYS WILL THINK HOW PATHETIC AND ABSURD MY WORDS ARE but to those who love and loving and loved that small guy, i'm sure they will understand.

As a kyumin shipper, my love for him may fall under the selfish category. WHY? BECAUSE I FUVKING ACCEPTED THE IDEA THAT KYUHYUN AND SUNGMIN ARE LOVER, that it's ok for me to accept Sungmin in a relationship as long as it's Kyuhyun. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? Even if I am that un-realistic, delusional fan, I know where I stand. I know at one point we all have to wake up from this marvelous dream we created and face reality. REALITY WHERE SUNGMIN IS A MAN, A VULNERABLE MAN WHO SEEK AND FIND LOVE IB THE ARMS OF A WOMAN (whom I didnt even know existed)

I can't say "i'm happy for you Sungmin". NO, I CAN'T. NOT YET. NOT NOW. when I am still hurting and trying to absorb the reality you suddenly shove in our face. Don't get me wrong, like what i've said, i know my place. I KNOW WHERE I STAND. I AM MERELY A FAN who can only support you throughout your entire career as a musician/actor. I KNOW I/WE CANNOT GIVE YOU THE KIND OF LOVE YOU'VE FOUND WITH THAT WOMAN but please understand that these words maybe hurtful, but I am saying these words because I am hurt. I am in pain.

Maybe in time..when the pain subsides, when the I am no longer hurting, when I can think of you and this day without a knife poking directly i my heart, when I can accept the fact that the one who makes you smile is the girl you vowed to be with forever., maybe..I'll be able to say, "I AM HAPPY FOR YOU SUNGMIN"
Tags: #personal
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Glad we share the same thought, same feelings.

Things gone messier now after his announcement. I am not sure if you are aware but k-elfs want sungmin out of SJ resulting to fanwar inside the fandom. It's a chaos there. You feel sympathy to those who are hurt and still hurting but at the same time I also feel sorry for Sungmin.

Yes, we are hurt, but Sungmin is entitled to his own happiness. As I was re-reading his blog, I can see how much he's in love. No one in his right mind will take this risk if he thinks it's not worth it, only a man who is madly, deeply in love. As I contemplate my thoughts, even if he knew that a lot of Elfs will be turning their backs to him, will curse him, will feel hurt, will feel betrayed he still did it because at the end of the day what really matters most is his happiness.

Lucky that woman who gives Sungmin what we, fans, cannot give him. I am jealous and mad but what can I do? What can we do? Sungmin made his choice. And he chose that woman over us. (This is what I see) Like what I've said, you say mean things when you are hurting but when the pain subsides, you will realize that you are merely a fan who haven't even had a single conversation with him, who most of us haven't even seen him nor touch him. Yes, we feel that bond but that bond is not enough to make Sungmin happy.

What i'm hoping and praying right now is for Sungmin to be safe. We know how sensitive he can get when fans bash him. But what I pray the most is that, the girl should be worth it. Worth more than his career, his dream, his future
Ikr! My non fans friends said she couldnt understand, but i understand the pain that we are having. Why is it so rushed? After two years not having an album, cant you wait? I'm also okay with kyuhyun being with ming. I'm selfish like that. Haha. I hope you are feeling better now. It's okay to cry. Let time heals all the wounds.