Yheoj (yheoj) wrote,

[personal] I'm Happy For You, Sungmin

Okay, what do I say here? It's been months since I last write something here and the fics that i've been working left unposted because well, I got very busy with work, life, priorities and everything.

Sungmin must have been busy with his newfound "love" and can't wait to hold it dearly in his hands, too, right? I KNOW EVERYONE most specially all the KyuMin shippers in this fandom were and still shocked by the sudden revelation of our aegyo king, right? I was stunned left speechless too when I read the title of the news allkpop posted in FB saying Sungmin is getting married.

At that time, I know the news hasn't sink in yet. Marriage. DIDN'T they just announced that they are DATING? How come Sungmin is now talking about marriage when we, his fans, haven't accepted the fact that he is dating yet? IT'S LIKE ADDING SALT TO AN OPEN WOUND. OR SUNGMIN MUST have thought to deliver the blow one time so pain will come once to those who will surely get hurt.

Or maybe...just maybe SUNGMIN just loves her very much that he can't wait to see her walk in the aisle this December and be part of his life. OH GOD, do you guys know that they have two months or less before the wedding? Just thinking about it, how are we going to survive when that time comes, makes me cry harder. Yeah, just so you know, tears are currently flowing down my eyes and it's making my eyes blurry and I can't stop wiping nose (oh damn,just trying to be funny cos I can't believe I am fucking seriously writing this now)

So yeah, I actually want to shout just so I can release this pain. I AM IMAGINING MYSELF in front of the sea, shouting to the waves how much I hate this feeling cos I don't think I deserve to be hurt like this. I KNOW YOU GUYS WILL THINK HOW PATHETIC AND ABSURD MY WORDS ARE but to those who love and loving and loved that small guy, i'm sure they will understand.

As a kyumin shipper, my love for him may fall under the selfish category. WHY? BECAUSE I FUVKING ACCEPTED THE IDEA THAT KYUHYUN AND SUNGMIN ARE LOVER, that it's ok for me to accept Sungmin in a relationship as long as it's Kyuhyun. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? Even if I am that un-realistic, delusional fan, I know where I stand. I know at one point we all have to wake up from this marvelous dream we created and face reality. REALITY WHERE SUNGMIN IS A MAN, A VULNERABLE MAN WHO SEEK AND FIND LOVE IB THE ARMS OF A WOMAN (whom I didnt even know existed)

I can't say "i'm happy for you Sungmin". NO, I CAN'T. NOT YET. NOT NOW. when I am still hurting and trying to absorb the reality you suddenly shove in our face. Don't get me wrong, like what i've said, i know my place. I KNOW WHERE I STAND. I AM MERELY A FAN who can only support you throughout your entire career as a musician/actor. I KNOW I/WE CANNOT GIVE YOU THE KIND OF LOVE YOU'VE FOUND WITH THAT WOMAN but please understand that these words maybe hurtful, but I am saying these words because I am hurt. I am in pain.

Maybe in time..when the pain subsides, when the I am no longer hurting, when I can think of you and this day without a knife poking directly i my heart, when I can accept the fact that the one who makes you smile is the girl you vowed to be with forever., maybe..I'll be able to say, "I AM HAPPY FOR YOU SUNGMIN"
Tags: #personal
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